Understanding Girls During the Elementary Years
The other day I saw my 9-year-old looking at herself in the mirror, and asked: “Am I fat?” I was surprised to hear her comment on herself this way and realized that her body is changing. We talked about what happens during puberty and how her body will morph over the next few years. Are we here already?
One day she’s fearless, happy, talks to everyone.
The next she’s worried about whether someone will sit with her at lunch or how her body looks to others.
She cries over something that seems small, becomes frustrated over not being able to do something, suddenly compares herself to other girls, or starts saying things like, “I’m not good enough.”
Many parents are surprised to learn that the elementary years—especially between ages 7 and 11—are some of the most important years for emotional development.
As a therapist, I often hear parents say,
“She’s become so emotional.”
“She yells at me now.“
“She’s lost confidence.”
“She’s so worried about what everyone thinks.”
“Where is this anxiety coming from.”
The good news is that these changes are normal, but they also provide an incredible opportunity to help girls build resilience, confidence, and healthy coping skills.
So Much Is Changing
During the elementary years, girls experience remarkable growth emotionally, socially, and cognitively.
Their brains are becoming more capable of understanding complex emotions and relationships, but they are still learning how to manage those emotions.
At the same time, their social world begins expanding.
Friendships become increasingly important.
Children begin comparing themselves to others.
They become more aware of differences in appearance, abilities, interests, and social status.
Many girls begin asking themselves questions they never considered before:
“Do people like me?”
“Am I pretty enough?”
“Am I smart enough?”
“Why wasn’t I invited?”
“Am I fat/ugly/bad at this/not cool…?”
These questions can quietly shape a girl’s confidence long before anyone realizes she’s struggling.
Friendships Become More Complicated
For young children, friendship often means simply playing together.
As girls grow older, friendships become much more emotionally complex.
They begin navigating:
- Feeling left out
- Cliques
- Gossip
- Peer pressure
- Competition
- Misunderstandings
- Hurt feelings
- Learning how to repair conflict
These experiences can feel overwhelming because many girls are still developing the language and emotional skills to express what they’re feeling.
Instead of saying, “I felt rejected today,” they may come home angry, withdrawn, tearful, or frustrated. I, for one started noticing other girls leave my daughter out, say unkind things to her, and I started worrying – is she ok? Does she have friends? How can I intervene… and save her?!”
Emotions Feel Bigger
Elementary-aged girls are also learning to identify and regulate emotions.
Some girls become anxious.
Some become perfectionists.
Some become people-pleasers.
Others express their emotions through anger or tears.
None of these responses mean something is “wrong.”
They often mean a child is still learning how to understand what’s happening inside.
When adults help children name emotions, solve problems, and develop healthy coping strategies, they are literally helping build lifelong emotional skills.
Confidence Doesn’t Just Happen
Healthy self-esteem develops through experiences.
Girls build confidence when they:
- Learn they can solve problems.
- Feel accepted for who they are.
- Develop healthy friendships.
- Understand that mistakes help us grow.
- Feel heard and understood.
- Discover their unique strengths.
Unfortunately, many girls also begin comparing themselves to unrealistic expectations at younger and younger ages through peers, sports, academics, and media.
Helping girls develop confidence early creates a protective foundation that benefits them for years to come.
Every Girl Deserves a Safe Place
Sometimes girls need a space outside of school and home where they can simply be themselves.
A place where they discover they aren’t the only one struggling.
A place where they can practice communication, learn healthy coping skills, build friendships, and discover their own strengths.
Group counseling offers something individual counseling often cannot—a chance to realize, “I’m not the only one who feels this way.”
That realization alone can be incredibly healing.
Introducing Girls in Real-Life Situations
This August, Clayton Counseling is offering Girls in Real-Life Situations, a supportive counseling group for girls in Kindergarten through 5th grade.
Through fun, interactive activities, creative projects, games, and age-appropriate discussions, girls will explore topics such as:
- Understanding emotions
- Healthy friendships
- Building confidence
- Positive body image
- Communication skills
- Making healthy choices
- Coping with difficult situations
- Problem-solving
- Asking for help
- Celebrating who they are
Our goal is simple:
To help girls develop the emotional tools they need today so they can become confident, resilient young women tomorrow.
If you’ve noticed your daughter struggling with confidence, friendships, anxiety, big emotions, or simply navigating the challenges of growing up, this group may be a wonderful opportunity for her to connect with peers and learn lifelong skills in a safe and encouraging environment.
Girls in Real-Life Situations
For Girls in Grades K–5
Beginning August
Clayton Counseling
To learn more or register:
Phone: (706) 619-1374
Email: claytoncounselingllc@gmail.com
Website: claytoncounselingllc.com
We can’t protect our daughters from every challenge they’ll face—but we can help them develop the confidence, resilience, and emotional skills they’ll carry with them for the rest of their lives.
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